For my first "super annoying thing" I'd like to discuss constipation. I haven't taken a good crap for a couple of months now and I am really beginning to take it to heart when people tell me that I am "so full of shit". I know I am full of crap and I'd like to do something about it before I die prematurely with a whole bunch of semi-digested take-out food lodged in my colon.
All of the out of shape, bad eaters that I know regularly tell me what great dumps they're taking. What are they doing right? They should be dead by now, not sittign placidily on a toilet while I grunt and groan and strain for a plop the size of a Hershey's kiss.
Most shiver at the thought of taking a crap so big that their little starfish cries murder, but I don't. I relish the thought. I like to cry anyhow.
I tell myself daily that I will only eat salad and vegetables along with drinking water straight out of the toilet if need be, but these good intentions never come to fruition. I end up sipping about half a glass of water only because it reminds of gin, and I can use my rapidly fading acting training to really 'drink that cold glass of diluted gin' - primarily at work. It gives me a reason to harass employees and be sullen all day.
Anyways - being constipated is a super annoying thing.
